Scorpio Soulmate How to Find Yours Secrets Revealed

So last fall I got this wild idea about finding a “Scorpio soulmate” after my second divorce papers showed up. Total mid-life crisis move, I know. Figured I’d hack the zodiac since my dating life was circling the drain. Grabbed an old notebook from my junk drawer – the same one I used to track crypto losses back in ’21, lol.

Step 1: The Hunt For Scorpios

First thing Monday morning, I bulldozed my way into three astrology groups downtown. Just started poking people right in the chest asking “Hey, when’s your damn birthday?” Got shoved twice. Worth it. By noon Wednesday, I’d cornered six self-proclaimed Scorpios in coffee shops. Scribbled their reactions:

• Girl #1: Spilled her latte on me & stormed off calling me “unbearable.”
• Guy #3: Leaned in super close whispering “You’ll regret this.” Chills.
• Gal #6: Actually laughed & gave me her Instagram. Progress!

Shoved those crumpled notes in my back pocket like old receipts. Smelled like espresso grounds for a week.

Step 2: Scorpio Decoder Mode

Burned midnight oil Tuesday watching 90’s Scorpio compatibility vids. Took frantic bullet points:

• Secret obsession? Oh yeah. Stalked their Spotify playlists. Dark playlists = Scorpio mood.
• Intimacy triggers? Not just sex. Bought heavy velvet curtains pretending they’re “mysterious.” Dumb.
• Pluto revenge vibes? Tested this. Sent Guy #3 a deliberately vague text. He replied “?” exactly 7 hours later. Scorpio confirmed.

Started seeing “passionate intensity” in every person who side-eyed me on the bus. Weird phase.

Step 3: Field Testing This Mess

Took Gal #6 from coffee shop to dive bar Thursday night. Zeroed in on her “secret passion” playlist trick. Boom – found her old metal band pics. Made a show of “noticing” the tiny skull tattoo she hid. Total vibe shift. Felt dangerous & cool until:

I blurted “SO YOUR PLUTO INFLUENCE HUH?” like an idiot. She froze mid-sip. Her eyes did that scary Scorpio black-hole thing. “What are you, an astrology cop?” she sighed. Paid her tab and ghosted me. Back to square one.

What Actually Worked (Kinda)

Finished this nonsense exhausted. But accidentally ran into an old Scorpio college flame Sunday while buying divorce vodka. We actually clicked! Not from forcing zodiac rules though. Learned:

• Authenticity over “passion playacting” – velvet curtains were ridiculous
• Depth ≠ drama – real convos beat fake “mystery”
• Chemistry ignores star charts – that college flame? Sun sign was Gemini. Damn.

My whole soulmate hunt notebook? Threw it out with last week’s chinese takeout. Wasted my time forcing stars to fit my loneliness. Might try bumble now. Less exhausting. Still smells like coffee though.