Leo Daily Horoscope Must Read: Vogues Today Forecast & Lucky Tips
So I figured I’d whip up a Leo daily horoscope thing today. Woke up thinking about my buddy Dave – total Leo dude – who’s always checking zodiac stuff before job interviews. Grabbed my laptop still in pajamas.
What Actually Went Down
First I opened like fifteen tabs of random astrology sites. Most said totally opposite things. One claimed Leos should “invest boldly” today while another said “avoid financial decisions”. Felt like reading weather forecasts from three different countries. Copied phrases like “cosmic energies align” and “mercury retrograde effects fading” into a draft.
For the “lucky tips” part, I threw in:
- Wear gold (duh, lion colors)
- Eat citrus foods
- Start projects at 2PM exactly
Made up the 2PM thing because my microwave clock showed 1:58 at that moment. Called the guide “must-read” in the title for extra hype.
The Messy Behind-The-Scenes
Halfway through, I remembered why I quit my last gig at this wannabe-Vogue lifestyle app. They wanted daily horoscopes but had zero astrologers. Our “process” was:
- Open last week’s predictions
- Shuffle adjective order
- Change dates
- Add new emojis
Boss once proudly called it “agile zodiac content recycling“. Got fired after telling users the “Mars influence” meant literally nothing because my hamster could generate similar accuracy chewing on a keyboard.
After that dumpster fire, now I just do these as parody. My friend Dave texted today saying he wore that gold chain and bombed his interview anyway. But hey – at least he started his prep at 2PM sharp.
